My family and I have recently moved and our new home is unfamiliar to us. Navigating at night can be hard for our children so we have strategically place night lights in our hallways and bathrooms so we know how to find our way around when the house is darkest. We’ve plugged these devices into our outlets, they are motion sensors and turn on when they sense movement. I think my favorite thing about them is they sense movement no matter how dark it gets.

When I move around our house at night, the first few steps are almost always in the dark and then the nightlight detects my motion and begins to illuminate my way. I imagine that over time, we will all become more comfortable walking in the relative darkness. But especially at first, the darkness feels too dark to dare to take even a few steps. Sometimes, my kids are too scared to take even a few steps. That’s when they call out in the night and listen for someone in our family to help them find their bearings and know that they aren’t alone. When they hear our voice, they feel the courage to take the needed first step. 

As I fly home from St. Louis after the Special General Conference, I’m feeling like I’m in our dark home. I feel alone. I feel timid and almost afraid to take a first step because it feels dark around me. This feeling is new to me. My friend and colleague Austin Adkinson recently reminded me that queer persons have felt like this for a long time. People like me are born into privilege and might be feeling this way for the first time in a long time (if ever).  Literal and figurative walls are being built all around us. 

A rhetoric of us verses them claims that this “issue” of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex and Queer/Questioning+ (LGBTQI+) persons is now finished. Over the past few days, folks who disagree with a fully inclusive church have reached out and wanted to engage in Biblical debates about why they are right and more importantly I am wrong. I strongly disagree with choosing some passages of the Bible to support a way of thinking and believing while conveniently ignoring other passages. Never mind that Jesus never, ever mentioned LGBTQI+ persons. Jesus had far more to say about empire and money than he ever had to say about a persons sexuality. He had far more critiques to say about religious leaders who abused their power than he did about a persons sexuality. In Jesus time, the Roman Empire crucified Jesus on the cross. Empire won that day. I can’t begin to imagine how dark it felt for followers of Jesus then. It feels like the Empire is winning a lot of days lately. As a people of faith, we must remember that light has already knocked holes in the darkness. Jesus has risen from the dead and death has been defeated. Just as the darkest night of the year must yield to the light eventually, we can remember that darkness can blot out the light…only for a moment. Even a spark of light can illuminate the darkest places.

The thickest walls in Berlin fell one day. The most deadly guns can be bent into plowshares. Minefields can be turned into playgrounds one day. Even some of the most hateful people can learn the transforming grace of love.

I believe that what has happened in the United Methodist Church this past week in St. Louis will be a part of our history and pray it will be just that…history. I pray this will be a lesson we learn from so we can pray to never repeat it again in our future. Just because the day feels lost, no one on earth gets to dictate who is in and who is out in the church. I believe the people who voted to strengthen the United Methodist terrible stance against Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex and Queer/Questioning+ are wrong. 

Just because we think differently; I pray we do not fall into the trap of sensationalizing one another as good and evil. Rather, I pray we remember we live as people in need of grace. I pray we remember that it’s possible that we can learn from one another. Jesus sat and ate with sinners and took the time to dialogue and debate with the pharisees. 

I believe there is a line we must not cross. When people are being harmed or told they are less than another. That is simply wrong. When we choose to focus on our money and wealth over the sacredness of each human being. That is definitely wrong. That happened in St. Louis when we began this special session by focusing first on our money and second on the people. These are a few manifestations of sin that that my church actively participates in. We are an unrepentant church that continually chooses dogma over grace, doctrine over love and self-righteousness over discipleship. I am complicit in all of this by my actions and inactions.

We are imperfect people serving a perfecting God who loves us as we are. I believe the Holy One who loves us so much, we aren’t allowed to stay just as we are.

So that doesn’t mean we get to say and do anything. It means we have an awesome responsibility to remind each person we encounter that they matter. That they are sacred.

That we see you. We hear you. We love you. 

We will learn from this moment and move slow enough to build something right this time. My heart has been encouraged by siblings who continue to call out into the night. I hear the voices of brothers, sisters, all persons of sacred worth whispering and shouting resistance, grace and love. Patience and impatience. 

To all who are brave enough to step in the darkness. To all who are voices in a darkening world. Thank you for your prophetic voices. Thank you for your courageous leadership. 

To all who feel alone, afraid, disempowered, disenfranchised and disjointed from the body of Christ. We are here. We see you. We love you. The body of Christ is much stronger than the voice of a few; no matter how loud they may get. 

I believe we will widen our circle to those we might call the lost, the least, the marginalized, the disenfranchised. I pray that instead of talking about the people we are called to serve, we will learn, listen and serve alongside all of God’s creation to seek a kingdom that is better than our world is today. I believe with all that I am that light will prevail. Because the darkness is only as dark as the next moment light pierces it.